Wednesday, September 14, 2011

2011 Week 1


We are back baby!  Week 1 is underway and this season has officially started.  It has also officially ended; as more people lost in week 1 of this season than any week last year!  On top of that most of us sweated it out like Trent at a job interview (which means not very well).  The Cardinals had to return a punt to knock out Cam Newton and the Panthers who was given so many handouts he must be on the same welfare plan that Trent is.  The Chargers, Jets, and Niners held the rest of the league up while, the Chargers made you believe for most of the game that this was the OSU Beavers professional team as a slow start seemed imminent yet again.  Everyone at OSU and the 9 people that went to the Chargers game are all nodding vigorously.  The rest of San Diego wishes they could actually watch the game, but then read the post game report and realized again why they all don’t go.  LA can’t come soon enough baby!

The rest of the league won in blowout fashion with the Texans, Eagles and Patriots blowing out their opponents.  Which brings me to the point that if you ever play the Dolphins and are in a fantasy league…start everybody!  That team would make Pat Kelly look fast.

The most picked team this week was the Cleveland Browns…which I can bet I’ll say as many more times as Obama will ever say that he makes “Financially sound choices…”  The Cardinals were the second most picked team at 5 times and 5 others were chosen only once.

Quick Recap

26 people are still partying
11 people have a strike against them
15 people are flawless
Nobody is F’in Out

Welcome back to…THE PICK OF THE WEEK!

For those of you new pool boys out there this is the time in the update/rant where I give out an award for the best/ ballsiest pick of the week.  What do you get?  Absolutely…nothing, just a pat on the back.  This piece is out there with the sole purpose that I can con someone vain enough (Purcell anybody?) into making a bad decision (Purcell) to better my chances at making some cash (like when I have to call Roberta to pay Ryan’s entrance fee again, among other favors…).

This week’s pick belongs to…

Joe Church and his J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!  Nice pick Joe.  Not only did you have to sweat that game out, but you were the only team to pick them.  Congrats on wasting a playoff team in the first week on a tough match up.  Go grab yourself a High Life buddy, you’ve earned it.

Worst Pick of the Week…

For those new to the league this is the part where the person tried to get the pick of the week and failed miserably…So many options this week…the award goes to…DAN STONE!  Why does Dan get this award over the other 5 gentleman?  Because the Bungles are Dan’s favorite team and as Neil would tell Dan if he had known in time you DO NOT under any circumstances pick against your own team!  You will lose.  Not only that Stone, but say out loud to yourself “I picked the Cleveland Browns this week…”  It’s the Browns!  You sold your team and your soul for the Cleveland Browns.  It’s like 30 pieces of silver.

Honorable Mention:  The rest of you who chose the Browns.  It’s the Browns Damnit!  The Cleveland Browns!  You picked the Cleveland Browns.  God hates Cleveland and so should you!  You’ve got a better chance of Drew Millar wearing a Jimmy while on a one night stand than the Browns do winning a game week in and week out.

Secondary Honorable Mention:  Trent Striplin for making me listen to that dog crap of a Niner’s game on the radio.  Nothing like making a 4 hour ride go faster by listening, not watching, listening to 2 awful teams fling sh@! at each other for 4 quarters.  Sounds like Heinlein’s pool all over again.


Justin's new tattoo, another bad pick...


On to the standings…


Name
Pick
Standing
Position
Paul Andrews
Texans
Win

Marcus Arnold
Texans
Win

Phil Barry
Chargers
Win

Paul Barth
Titans
Loss
1 Strike
Justin Belding
Browns
Loss
1 Strike
Joe Church
Jets
Win

Ben Clark
Eagles
Win

Kevin Clark
Chargers
Win

Sam Finley
Cardinals
Win

Dan Fitzpatrick
Cardinals
Win

John Galmiche
Browns
Loss
1 Strike
Nick "Hollywood" Heinrichs
Titans
Loss
1 Strike
Neil Jubitz
Cardinals
Win

Pat Kelly
Eagles
Win

Nick Lamb
Cardinals
Win

Ryan McAndrew
Cardinals
Win

Drew Millar
Browns
Loss
1 Strike
Matt Nichols
Giants
Loss
1 Strike
Bobby Philbrook
Broncos
Loss
1 Strike
Ryan Purcell
Patriots
Win

Kyle Shultz
Browns
Loss
1 Strike
Dan Stone
Browns
Loss
1 Strike
Trent Striplin
Niners
Win

Erik Weiss
Titans
Loss
1 Strike
Paul Wilson
Browns
Loss
1 Strike
Michael Zahler
Texans
Win




It was a rough week for the Newbies this year.  Out of the 5 new comers 4 of 6 lost in the first week.  Congratulations to Phil and Ben for their first successful week.  Erik and Justin continued their trend of losing in the first week of the season yet again.  Last year Erik made it all the way to 3rd place while Justin went out in 2 weeks.  Had we let him pick again he said he would have also gotten week 3 wrong.  Here is to you Justin!  Next week he looks to shatter his own record of a week 3 exit by going out in week 2.  If anyone with a strike loses next week they will set the record.  You don’t want to steal the Donk Trophy from Justin.  DON’T DO IT.  Let him ride it out for two years…

In other news…the streak is over!!!  Bobby Philbrook went down swinging with the Ponies.  The record stands at 15 picks in a row and now the champ is on the ropes!  Best part of this is that Bobby, has rules folks.  Rules he swears he lives by in this league (and in life which he doesn’t follow either).  I won’t tell you what they all are as they are trade secrets, but one of them is never to pick a division rivalry game.  I’ll let you assume what happened.

Some New Rules

Due to popular demand the picks now need to be in by 10pm on Saturday night.  The majority has spoken and they want to see the picks before the games even start.  There is no way I can possibly do this every Sunday morning when picks are rolling in at 9:50 so please from now on submit your picks to me by 10pm on Saturday night.  You can post them to the blog, email or text me.

The last place tie breaker.  Since we need a Donk every season if two players go out the exact same week we will have a playoff.  What this means is that those two players have to continue picking the next weeks until one of them holds the official title.  Hey, someone has to take home the bag of Bobby’s poop.

That’s it this week guys.  A few of you haven’t sent in any checks yet either.  I know I haven’t been home in two weeks, but I get back Sunday afternoon and will be checking.  You got 5 days to get it to my house or your F’in out and it’ll be $40 bones if you want to play next year.  I appreciate all of you who have already gotten it to me on time.

Thanks,

McPoolMaster

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Point taken, but at least I don't have a Sacramentary sitting by my toilet to be used as bathroom reading material. The only Jimmy that's ever touched your dick is the Holy Redeemer Deacon.

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  3. Gimme those Cowboys for week 2. That's my quarterback! My teammate!

    ReplyDelete