Hahaha.
Ha ha.
Haaaaaaaa....oh God...
3rd-string QB + No franchise RB + Team trying to bottom out for the 2014 draft = ...Cleveland Win!
Only the Browns could try so hard to intentionally suck and still screw it up. That level of choking would happen all the time back with the Norv Turner Chargers (and still does!). As bad as Cleveland is, at least they don't have to deal with Nor--huh? What's that? He's the coordinator of the...he's the OC?! WTF?!
NOORRRRRVVVV!!!
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| "You gonna punch this boy?....NORRVV!!...[sniff]" |
[Note: It'll be better if you have this video playing while you scroll down the page]
Arizona!
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| The football version of Frodo vs. Gollum in Mt. Doom |
Atlanta!
Baltimore!
Buffalo!
Carolina!
Chicago!
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| Perfectly executed WWE-style Sidewalk Slam |
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| YUM YUM YUMMY YUMMY YUM YUM |
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| Choppa style, choppa choppa style |
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| Jay Cutler! |
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| Umm...Jay Cutler. |
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| "Hey Jordy [giggle]...CUP CHECK" |
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| Brian throw ball! |
Dallas!
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| Witten's middle name? RALPH |
Denver!
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| Everyone else has noticed this huge red mark he always gets, right? It's the Tri-Force! |
Detroit!
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| "Ok set...settt-- WHAT THE EYYIFFF" |
Green Bay/San Fran!
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| RabbleRabbleRabbleRabble |
Houston!
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| Boy, he really GOT IN HIS HEAD |
Indy!
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| I like how he bats it up like a cat. It's cute and endearing |
Jacksonville!
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| "Put em up, put em UPPP" |
KC!
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| He FOUND you, Mr. New Booty |
Miami!
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| This is the same reaction I had when I found out Enrique doesn't say "loving you" in the chorus |
Vikings!
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| More like Christian POUNDER, right? Amirite? |
New England!
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| Easy there Tom--don't let Bobby or Purcell hear you say that |
Nawlins!
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| Poor Brees got stiffed like a waiter serving Chris Hill |
Giants!
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| PHIL SIMMS ON HOW TO NOT FUMBLE: Step1: High and tight! Step2: Blank stare, lose all traces of humanity. Step3: Try to pinch opposite shoulder? |
Jets!
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| Choppa style, choppa chop--HEY WAIT |
Raaayyydaaz!
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| Al Davis has just taken possession of his body |
Philly!
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| Oh snap |
Yinzers!
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| POW right in the kisser |
SD!
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| I spit hot fire! |
Seattle!
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| Girl, I'll be your 12th man |
Rams!
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| I ain't come to play SCHOOL |
Tampa!
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| We hardly knew ye, Josh Freeman. You can always come play indoor soccer for The Ladybugs! |
Titans!
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| Pat-a-cake pat-a-cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast you can |
Washington!
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| Sadly, right over Mike Remmers |
Like Ryan said last week, pretty much every team is still a mystery, and that makes all this picking business way more
Quick Recap!
15 people are still partying!
What a way to go out, Paul.
13 people have a strike against them
4 people are flawless (Neil, Marcus, PK, Zahler)
Pick of the Week!
Um, everyone who won picked the Seahawks over the Jags, so....yeah. You crazy SOBs, just living by the roll of the dice!
Worst Pick of the Week
I guess it should be the Vikings since they decimated most of the PoolBoys, but since we're mostly still alive this honor goes to Paul Barth's meth-addled Bills pick. How bad are the Bills? Let's take a look at some recent game tapes:
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| The Bills are everyone but Luigi. |
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| Not all runnings QBs are created equalj |
Time to Say Goodbye
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| I just wanna tell you that I had enough; might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie |
Barth and both Beldings! One's his brother, one just shares a last initial--either way, it's become clear that any connection at all to Justin Belding means you won't make it past Week 3 in the Pool Boy Pick 'Em. I don't have the privileges of bestowing the Donk Trophy for first person out, but at the very least Justin has the Money in the Bank briefcase and he can use it at any time in the next 12 months.
Sorry for taking so long, but hope you enjoyed the pretty pictures! Good luck next week, y'all
--Dan
